At a Glance
by fictionalparadox
Summary: She'd had the words there in her head but she couldn't force them out, couldn't voice that her greatest fear had come true. So, she'd told him another truth. *The* truth.


**Title:** _At a Glance_  
**Author:** AJ (fictionalparadox)  
**Word Count:** 1,167  
**Spoilers:** _Castle _(2009), 1x01-4x18  
**Disclaimer:** All television shows, movies, books and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and the events in such, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and is not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places or events are made in a fictional context and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory or, in any way, factual.  
**Author's Note: **My second fanfiction, originally published on 02/10/12. Since then, I have made several small edits to it. In this story, it's implied that Beckett has leukaemia. For Maria, very loosely based on one of her unfinished fanfictions.

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**1.**  
It's a typical spring morning. The breeze counteracts the heat creating equilibrium in the temperature. Of course, Beckett cannot completely enjoy this morning; she is a homicide detective, after all.

She chases the fleeing suspect down the alleyway, her new spike heels squeaking with the movement.

_I should've broken these in more if I knew I was going to be in another chase,_ she thinks to herself. Her heart rate increases as the suspect stumbles, trying to regain a steady rhythm. But it's his downfall. She tackles him by wrapping her arms around his stomach, sending them both crashing to the ground.

**2.**  
He'd gotten the best of her and she hates him for it. She hates _herself_ for it. She had him and she lost him.

_He was bent over. How the hell did he throw me into the wall?_

She thinks this for the thousandth time as she watches the nurse fix up her cuts, sealing the evidence away with a bandage.

"All set, Detective," the young woman says to her, a smile adorning her face.

"Thank you."

Beckett returns the gesture the best she can with a smile of her own. Yet, inside, there is nothing but frustration.

**3.**  
It's lunch time when she finally makes her way back to the precinct. Esposito and Ryan are nowhere in sight, the only reason coming to Beckett's mind being that they're interrogating her guy.

Well, he's not actually _her_ guy. She didn't catch him; Espo did. That's what frustrates her the most. Not that another one of her team had to back her up but the fact that this skinny, 22 year old wannabe-serial killer _got the drop on her._

As she sits down at her desk, she looks back to where her hand had made impact with the brick, some blood just visible through the material.

**4.**  
He makes her smile again and he can't help but immediately feel happier. The way her skin crinkles up for a short moment, the little release of air… It means she's breathing. She's here; she didn't die at that cemetery a year ago. He saved her.

Beckett continues to sip her coffee, the liquid warming her throat and sending tingles throughout her body. But then she pauses. The hand wrapped around the cup is wrapped up itself.

The bandage is newer but the blood is still there.

"Beckett?"

The cop turns her head, her eyes aligning with Castle's.

"You okay?"

**5.**  
The fear hits her like a freight train. It's been a week. _Why won't it heal?_

She stares at her hand, putting pressure on the bandage whilst trying to shake away the tears. She'd started crying silently earlier, when she saw the cloth and its familiar red-staining. Castle had been the first to mention it.

_"Wait, is your hand still healing? Huh, I thought it'd be fine by now; he must have done more damage than I thought."_

"Yeah, it's… no big deal. Don't worry about it."

In frustration, she rips off the ruined fabric in search of a fresh strip.

_Stop. Bleeding._

**6.**  
She's been quiet all day. He knows something's up; she'd had the day off yesterday and her conversation with Gates this morning had left him and the boys with questions. It was like she'd lost her fire. Her Beckett-ness.

So, when she quietly says goodnight and heads for the elevator, he takes the opportunity to confront her.

"Look, I'm gonna be straight with you."

"Cas-"

"Kate, listen to me. I like to think we've gotten past the point where we hide things from each other. Something is obviously wrong. Please, just… tell me what it is."

She swallows nervously as the elevator doors open.

**7.**  
_"I remember."_

It was the confession neither of them expected her to give. She'd had the words there in her head but she couldn't force them out, couldn't voice that her greatest fear had come true.

So, she'd told him another truth. _The_ truth.

They'd fought and through the pain, she'd apologised profusely but she still couldn't get out the words that she really needed to. Not until he asked her the question that chilled her to her bones.

"So, if you're still "healing"… then, why did you tell me?"

With that, she takes a deep breath, a tear falling down as she closes her eyes.

"Because, um… I'm sick."

**8.**  
He visits her at the hospital every day. She never thought he'd stick around, not after what she did, keeping that secret from him. Castle hadn't even asked her if she felt the same way. The only thing he was guilty of was supporting her through the treatment.

He'd run plot points by her, discuss the perfect murder and tell her about the precinct and their current cases. Lanie and the boys came to see her too but not as often as Castle did. Every day, 10am, like clockwork, he'd bring her flowers or other gifts, her favourite being the beanie he'd bought her. It smells like him.

But most importantly, it gives her hope.

**9.**  
Castle sits with his partner, both of them anxiously awaiting the news from the doctor. Her treatment had been going relatively fine so far and the results of the most recent test were coming soon.

Beckett taps her fingers against the metal railing, the sound reverberating through the hollow tube. He grabs her hand with a knowing look and tries to massage the fear away with his nimble fingers.

"Kate, I…"

"Castle, don-"

"Please, just… This is something that I need to say; you don't have to say anything back, okay?"

She stops for a moment but then nods. She needs to hear this.

**10.**  
"Whatever happens and yes, I know, this is incredibly cliché but, Kate, _whatever happens_, whether it be good or bad… you will _always_ have me. Okay? I love you and I have for a very long time. And I understand if you don't reciprocate those feelings but I just…"

He looks away for a moment and the hurt in his eyes is something she never wanted to see.

"I truly meant it when I said you are extraordinary."

Beckett squeezes his hand before leaning forward for a gentle kiss. She didn't realise until now just how much she'd missed the sensation.

Her hands rest on either side of his neck after they part.

"I love you, too."

**Epilogue**  
It was spring again. She'd regrown her hair to waist length, her flowing curls a reminder of the past. On this day, in particular, he'd insisted on taking her out for a walk, to take advantage of the beautiful weather.

Seeing her in the sun, happy and free is more than he ever could've asked for. Just looking at her, smiling up at him amongst the bright light in the sky… It finally banishes the medium-sized pigment of darkness in his heart.

Because, in this moment, he finally realises that everything is going to okay.

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**Author's Note: **Hope you enjoyed! Reviews are always appreciated.


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